365 Days of Parenthood!

When I put her to bed tonight, she held my finger and gently said "ma'man" which is the persian word for mom. My heart sank like no other moment of my life. I realised that to this little person I am the definition of all things safe and true. I am her true north!

Few years back, when I was at my twenties, I had absolutely no desire to have kids. In fact, I refused to hear my friends stories about pregnancy or babies. I was the girl friend who would buy the most expensive gift for the nursery but refused to go to the ordeal of visiting the new born baby!

Then I met my husband who is a true baby lover, he has a baby magnet! Seeing him playing with kids was very sweet! it tickled me to think of having a baby of our own. I wasn't convinced though until the day that I found that I might not be able to have a baby of my own even if I want to! WHAT? That pain and feeling of loss there and then made it clear to me that I was in denial that the real demon of my insecurities around children is not lack of desire to have kids. 

It took me a good deal of soul searching to find out that I didn't want kids because that was what every body does, that was the norm, that was what everybody expect from a women because, because ... . I wanted to be a rebellion, a non conformist! 

How I don't know but I found my way out of that spiral, found my true answers and got pregnant ( well thanks to advanced medicine!) 

Today we are celebrating her first birthday along with our 365 days of parenthood!

Ten things I didn't know before having a baby

Oh wow! so the last time I blogged I didn't know that I was pregnant! Now a year an two months after, I have a little girl and I love being a mom but did I know what I am signing into definitely not!
I am sharing it all here, but lets be honest you have to see it for yourself...

1. I didn't know that four set of 2 hours sleep is not equal to 8 hours of sleep!
2. I didn't know that you can not die from tiredness, you may look like a zombie but you still can play, sing and dance to entertain your baby!
3. I didn't know that having time to take a long shower, to wash my teeth for 2 min and putting make up was a privilege! even with a helper at home!
4. I didn't know that the only place that I can be alone is the bathroom!
5. I didn't know that my smart phone is so useful, it can fart , make funny sounds, can be numbed, chewed ... huh! and I was only using it to send SMS!
6. I didn't know that there is still a job that is 24/7 all year round and is not paid. It is called motherhood.
7. I didn't know that the best invention after electricity and wheel is nappies! how many do I use per day 25!
8. I didn't know that a baby can outgrow her clothes, shoes...just in few weeks!
9. I didn't know that I need a nose blower!... seriously and it is expensive!
10. I didn't know that those who don't have children are better parents than those who have kids! I was one of them a year ago!

Salute to all new moms out there!

Why you shouldn't leave the education of your children to your maid!

Last night I had a heated conversation with a friend about merits and damages a full time maid can have in your life specially on upbringing of your children.

I happen to know it first hand in my own childhood and in my moms life. My mom grow up in a house full of helps, my grand parents social position allowed them to have several helps for the majority of my moms childhood. The comfort of having someone else attending to your needs remained with her even after she lost her dad and the luxurious life style she was accustomed to. My mom had a very hard time to adjust to a normal life and taking care of herself.  

Going through that trauma didn't teach her enough and she got a full time nanny to help her when I was born. She was a working mom and I was a happy kid. I spent the majority of my time with my nanny who became my first care giver. When I was four the situation of my parents has changed and once more we became a family without a helper. 

I don't remember how dysfunctional we were but I do remember that for several months I was going through the trauma of being separated from my nanny and my parents were going through the trauma of teaching me basic skills such as getting dressed or brushing my teeth.  I actually remember that I felt a resentment toward my mom as a result of getting separated from my nanny!  

For many reasons people think that it is good to have an extra help at home, but before hiring one just think twice and ask yourself whether if its worth the damage it may cause? According to Gail Bradley who researched this field in Middle East among Expats and local families, you should consider the following consequences. In a nutshell he proved that children with a maid at home will lack

• the use of independent thinking skills
• function independently
• demonstrate self regulating skills
• show self motivation
• exercise critical thinking skills
• speak and listens to others
• solve problems

(" The Maid Phenomenon: Home/ School Differences in Pedagogy and Their Implications for Children in Two International Schools in Middle East", Gail Bradley, Aug 2010)

Travelstyle!

Four cities and five weeks later we are finally back to Singapore, with no further plan to travel. Well at least for a few weeks!
Talking about plans, hubby and I both like traveling unplanned. We buy our tickets, book our hotel and off we go! For many years we bought travel guides thick like a bible to just glance at them on the plain to fall asleep. Then we stopped buying guide books! We haven't noticed any change, well except that now it takes us a bit longer to fall asleep on the plane!
Have you ever had a moment when you decoded a part of yourself to yourself?! I decoded the reason behind our travel style on the plane from Istanbul to Singapore!

For years I have agreed and smiled to the the unkind comments that we are not organised when it comes to traveling. But what does organising mean? Does it mean that you have to live and travel by your checklist?

Traveling unplanned doesn't mean that we leave it to universe to take us where it wants, I certainly do a bit of research about potential destinations, their history and some time I put an extra effort to learn a few words of their language!   

We get to our destination curious and hungry to discover. With no expectations, every thing is a good surprise and nothing can disappoint us.
One of the advantages of not having a guide book is that it forces us to talk to locals, to ask them about the attraction and history of their city, where they eat, where they shop....It makes us to get a map and create our own walking routes and yes we knock ourselves out by marching the city from up to down, east to west and we often see more than an average tourist!  In one word we refuse to live by the rules of CONFORMITY! wait I am not done yet! this led me to uncover another aspect of my life: Why we became expats. I leave this for another post!

Life of an Expat Wife!

Last week we were in Paris. It was great to be back, to see our friends and families, drink good wine and eat plenty of smelly cheese.

During one of these wine sipping moments with couple of friends, a good friend of mine asked me with her most enthusiastic voice:

So tell me how is life in Singapore what you do every day in exotic Far East ? 

Well, I do yoga every other day, I swim every day and I play tennis once a week. Oh I get massages time to time... do a bit of cooking and cleaning... at this point a giant exclamation mark start to appear on her face so I added well you know I am a freelance now and I work from home... ( phew! exclamation mark start to evaporate)

Oh good ( a moment of awkward silence!). So now that you are relaxed it is a good time to get pregnant. ( Boom!)

Why not! May be .... a false laughter and we changed the subject.

Does she think that I am board? Well I am NOT!  but this short conversation scared a hell out of me as I noticed that I haven't done much for the past three months but somehow I was busy! So on our long flight back I listed the following activities that I would like to do when I am here in Singapore.

I want to learn

1. a new language. Chinese for example!
2. to take photos (Any good workshop around?)
3. to dive.
4. to play piano
5. to play tennis ( already started)
6. to swim butterfly
7. to draw 
8. to cook SE Asian food
9. to make jewelry to reproduce ancient tribal jewelry. ( I am a big fan! that's the only reason why I go to museums)
10. to study something new online ( I haven't figured out what!?)

that was my top 10 to learn things. I wonder what other girls are doing in Singapore?

Where is home?...

Since the “first impression” we found a place to live, moved in, opened all our boxes and hanged all the pictures on the wall. So I was busy to make myself feel at home! Does it feel like home though? 

When you arrive in Singapore, it doesn't take you long to understand that there is a thick line between a local and an expat. There is expat malls, supper markets, restaurants, bakeries...name it you will be spoiled by choices. It is even glorious to be a foreigner! There is no pressure to get you localised nor to send you back.

For me it feels more like a summer holiday home. Where it is a home but only for a limited time so you don't spread your life all over the place. You will find new friends but you know that you have the pleasure of playing with them only for a short period of time.  
When I was a kid I moved with my parents a few times and I learned that home is not where I was born nor grow up. It was where I was most loved!

First Impression!

We arrived in Singapore on Sunday. I have a lot of mix feelings. It was very sad to leave London where was my home for the past six years. Very excited that I will see new places and meet new people.
wish me good luck!