I happen to know it first hand in my own childhood and in my moms life. My mom grow up in a house full of helps, my grand parents social position allowed them to have several helps for the majority of my moms childhood. The comfort of having someone else attending to your needs remained with her even after she lost her dad and the luxurious life style she was accustomed to. My mom had a very hard time to adjust to a normal life and taking care of herself.
Going through that trauma didn't teach her enough and she got a full time nanny to help her when I was born. She was a working mom and I was a happy kid. I spent the majority of my time with my nanny who became my first care giver. When I was four the situation of my parents has changed and once more we became a family without a helper.
I don't remember how dysfunctional we were but I do remember that for several months I was going through the trauma of being separated from my nanny and my parents were going through the trauma of teaching me basic skills such as getting dressed or brushing my teeth. I actually remember that I felt a resentment toward my mom as a result of getting separated from my nanny!
For many reasons people think that it is good to have an extra help at home, but before hiring one just think twice and ask yourself whether if its worth the damage it may cause? According to Gail Bradley who researched this field in Middle East among Expats and local families, you should consider the following consequences. In a nutshell he proved that children with a maid at home will lack
- the use of independent thinking skills
- function independently
- demonstrate self regulating skills
- show self motivation
- exercise critical thinking skills
- speak and listens to others
- solve problems
(" The Maid Phenomenon: Home/ School Differences in Pedagogy and Their Implications for Children in Two International Schools in Middle East", Gail Bradley, Aug 2010)
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