Few years back, when I was at my twenties, I had absolutely no desire to have kids. In fact, I refused to hear my friends stories about pregnancy or babies. I was the girl friend who would buy the most expensive gift for the nursery but refused to go to the ordeal of visiting the new born baby!
Then I met my husband who is a true baby lover, he has a baby magnet! Seeing him playing with kids was very sweet! it tickled me to think of having a baby of our own. I wasn't convinced though until the day that I found that I might not be able to have a baby of my own even if I want to! WHAT? That pain and feeling of loss there and then made it clear to me that I was in denial that the real demon of my insecurities around children is not lack of desire to have kids.
It took me a good deal of soul searching to find out that I didn't want kids because that was what every body does, that was the norm, that was what everybody expect from a women because, because ... . I wanted to be a rebellion, a non conformist!
How I don't know but I found my way out of that spiral, found my true answers and got pregnant ( well thanks to advanced medicine!)
Today we are celebrating her first birthday along with our 365 days of parenthood!